NTA. And clearly the respect of these toxic males is worthless, and its much more important for OP and fianc to have self respect. OP why do you let your family treat him like that? If you give in, they'll keep thinking that their bullying is acceptable or funny. From expensive property damage to verbal abuse to life threatening actions. NTA- for un-inviting your dad, cousin, brother, and uncle from your wedding. Plus, as a partner (soon to be wife), you need to support and protect your partner from family if they're doing things like this to them. I thought my family was crazy. There is archaeological evidence which suggests that Neanderthals cared for their relatives with health problems: Neanderthals would be disgusted by this behaviour. Hiding an inhaler can cause DEATH. Good thing I was completely serious and not sarcastic at all. You're actually still nice in my opinion and your family members are AHs, including your mum to be honest! This is a really bad troll. No adult man wants some rando on the internet trying to convince people his name means he's immature or not "man enough". I really hope they paid for the damage when they slashed his tyres. Tim should have filed a Police report!! OP, the men in your family are the living definition of toxic masculinity. If there's any chance of any form of healing this extended family it's by them realising how badly they've messed up, and them having to "man up" to take the consequences of their actions could be what's needed. Is it possible she thought she was doing you a favor letting you off the hook since she knew you really didn't want go in the first place? They put his life at risk, am I getting this right? Dude couldve died. If your mom doesnt see your side dont invite her either. These arent pranks. These are not pranks. The first year i was on the rocks with my mom so i invited my dad and his gf, the next year however i was good with everyone and invited my mom and my dad. Frankly, who cares if they respect Tim, the question is, does Tim respect them? I'm impressed Tim kept trying with these jerks. Being punished isnt going to make them sorry, its going to make them mad. I would contact to acquire an admission of guilt and then take them to court. I have mild asthma and have never needed a hospital (its either exercise induced, or triggered by my having a cold or something and my immune system deciding that while its doing inflammation anyway why not go into bronchitis for 2 months?). So, the first thing that my mom did was reconnect with me. Sorry, this post was deleted by the person who originally posted it. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. I was hospitalized and they were draining fluid from around my lungs (?). I admittedly have had a few fights with my dad about how I think she treats me and my brother and sister. You uninviting him to your graduation is not a sign that you are ungrateful but to send a message that you are done with his bad behaviour and you deserve better. I'd press charges in the same situation honestly. Im sorry but is your family a bunch of uneducated hicks that actually think this shit is normal? ESH. NTA a prank is a Whoopie Cushion not slashing tires. They likely thought my claims of abuse were unfounded at best and malicious at worst. Honestly, your family is dangerously abusive and toxic. Dad said they'll apologize if I insist but Tim will have lost the little respect they'd gained for him. Stick to your guns. Stand your ground. i cant blame OP because she is too young, she cant probably go no contact with them and the fiance would be in worse situations after the wedding. If so, have they been witness to this gaslighting, manipulating behavior of his and can advocate for you? Exactly. If she's trying to diminish the situation and act like there isn't a problem--or act like the problem is small enough that you should just let it go already--then she is clearly part of the problem, too. NTA these are not pranks, this is just immature and terrible behavior. It's also why women who get married have a lower life expectancy. I myself have an in law I do not like but noone would ever know it because I respect and love my brother. Problem was I need my car for work. Fuck that noise. YTA for letting this happen to your fianc. You should have stopped this at the very least when they slashed his tires, but even before then, the idea that they need to test his manliness is infantilizing, misogynistic, and toxic as hell. You think they wanted to hear he was FOR gender equality? Have a list and a security guard and be ready to call the police if they show up. My asthma isn't terrible but I'd be fuming if someone dared to put me in the danger of not being able to breathe properly. I don't think I could stand to be around a gaggle of some Super Straight 'wHaT aBoUt InTeRnAtIoNaL mEnS dAy!?? Enough people in general for today. If they're doing this shit to a grown man, they will absolutely bully a male child. Why on Earth was Tim going with them on these lads trips if that's how they were treating him? yes this..I have asthma and have had several severe asthma attacks that if I didnt have an inhaler on hand I probably wouldn't be here typing this. Something like Am I being gaslit? Because thats all this post was. "I also don't want my sister moaning about being surrounded by kids, as they probably make up about 1/3 of the guest list. It's usually even worse with family. People really act like this? Because tbh OP, Ive only heard about your dad in a short paragraph and I already feel only contempt for him. Check out our upcoming Reddit Talk With John Hodgman on January 18th @ 7pm EST. Best of luck!! NTA. They need a lesson in what it takes to be decent human beings. Proving it was "nothing" by supposedly powering through completely unnecessary pain?? This guy should dump her and her toxic family and marry in to a family of decent human beings. You CHOSE him and said here's the man i love and want to share my life and future with, and this is how they treat that love? Especially with your dad, who will apologize but will lose respect for him. So you definitely made the right decision. Your fianc doesnt need to prove anything to any of them. No! I wouldn't want them anywhere near me or my SO. Is this how you would want them to treat any future children you have? Toxic man stuff. NTA for uninviting them. NTA - those things might be what they do to test people but it isn't what "men do". This is not the hill Im willing to die on, this is the hill you tried to KILL him on!. And he'd be right to do so. NTA. They are astoundingly in the wrong and you are right to uninvite them. Your family is fked up and ruined any real relationship themselves. Obviously Tim went on that camping trip with them for you, he clearly does not like these people. Having just recovered from an asthma attack a day ago, I can attest that asthma is no joke. They dont seem to have any!! AITA for uninviting my cousin, brother, uncle and dad to my wedding over a prank? I would presume that they had a similar experience with him. Agreed. YTA if you keep allowing this behavior against your guy. But anyway once you said yes she should have felt morally obliged to go with you. It's been five years since I realized what was going on, and only one sibling has come to the same conclusion since then. This is effectively a family version of the hazing crap that some uni fraternities get up to test those who wish to join them. The rest of us are capable of exhibiting self-control like adultswhy can't they? You're not exaggerating. NTA by far. NTA. I moved out and left them to take care of my younger brothers by themselves and went full no contact for years. Your mother is enabling the behavior by dismissing it and insisting you let it go. Hes likely already seriously considered if youre worth the hassle. live happily now :). Also extremely life threatening, apparently. And if you have kids do you want them to be raised with this toxic environment. Do you guys have kids? And they are still insisting YOU are wrong for disinviting them. So OP is an AH just because her family members are jerks who refuse to take her seriously until she was forced to escalate the situation? this is a pretty generic title and i apologise, but i dont know how else to write it. You need to take your fianc and get the hell away from the pack, because theyre already turning on you now that youre stepping out of line and it will only get more vicious. I feel bad for OP because this kind of thing is normal for them. NTA. Like, Tim is well within his rights to leave this shitshow if she doesn't follow through (as he should be), but it sounds like she's been trying to get them to cut it out since the beginning and this was the final straw. This is curious that your siblings are not on your side . Your family is criminally dangerous. Throwawayfamily976 29040 S x 9 G 2022-03-11 11:41:21 Your family already drove that wedge, not Timmy. What your family have done is abuse, and could have easily led to harm to your fianc. NTA, and honestly I'd go no contact until they grow the fuck up. Like a mechanic, finds whats wrong then fixes. She cussed me out for prioritizing my hateful and cold hearted brothers over my stepdad and showing him that I'm not worthy of his grace which was really really hurtful for me to hear. They dont realize how much theyre fucking up and its scary. I'm so sorry you went through that." ~ bdm90. I idolised and adored my father to the point whereby I resented my mother. NTA they gone far beyond pranks are just bullying him now. Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post. I'd cut out my whole family if they pulled shit like that. How manly would their intake photos look. They took time to think then gave me an ultinatum stating that if our stepdad is coming then they won't be. Demanding they stop was step 1, but she should have done more. Hiding his inhaler on a days camping trip? They all sound like the very worst the patriarchy has to offer and the fact that you are still in regular contact with them and subject the man you love to their dumb bullying is worrisome, to say the least. If they don't go NC, I can definitely see cousins bullying her children for being "soft" because their dad and grandpa said Uncle Tim is soft, too. This is straight up hazing. OP How do you not see that these people are psychopaths?! They werent pranking Tim, they were bullying him. They will do something worse to pay you back on your wedding day. This is THE hill to die on. why would you even want to remain family with a bunch of hazing, assaulting assholes? My friends and I, all Afab and babyfaced enough to look like we were 18-25 once got asked what was holding up the car in a concerned tone while we were trying to change a tire. And maybe, just maybe your dad and other family members involved will get some personal growth out of this and grow up to be a proper men. They literally could have killed him. When you cut off toxic people, it makes room for better people in your life. . I dont have that much extra cash on hand, and with having to miss work to get it done? Your username is literally what you should be doing. He sounds like an absolute caveman needing to prove physical prowess to compensate for knowing your partner is clearly intellectually superior. Even if they apologize, this oversized kids need to understand there are consequences to their action, even if they are jOkEs. if someone going to collage is all they need to get set off on this super insercure episode those are people i would not want to be around. Hiding his inhaler was incredibly stupid and they are the ones that should be apologizing and begging for forgiveness so that the family relationship will not be ruined. Yup - Manslaughter for you, buddy. That means OP figured it out themselves. Dad has high expectations, but he is never mean about it (you won't even know you're tested). I explained that if he just came to events and gave it a shot he would see that everyone is good now and is moving forward except him and his wife. and harmful. Tell them you could give two shits what they think as they dont matter. And at some point your family are going to crack your relationship with your fiance right through, because contact is always going to feel to him that you're condoning it and secretly agreeing. What did they expect to accomplish? northwest livestock facebook page; missing chicago man pueblo county jail number pueblo county jail number Thats a lifesaving (in some cases) medication. How manly would they look being charged. They are being toxic AH, stealing necessary medication is not a prank. Must be tire then! Destroying property too? You know what OP's group of male family members are doing? And if my husband had asthma dad would lower his expectations, not attempt murder. "I'm getting married, I want my kids there, as well as my nieces/nephews, and a handful of other kids from both families.". They could have killed him with their prank that is so fed up. He was supposed to be the adult who loved and protected you, instead he manipulated and gaslight you in some of the most pivotal years of your life (so far). Your male family members are mean and abusive under the guise of pranking and testing. However, it should have happened much sooner. they took away an asthmatics inhaler which could potentially lead to death, and youre asking if youre the AH for uninviting them to your wedding? Leaving the inhaler is potentially life threatening!!!! Medical paternalism sucks. Would it still be as funny if they were arrested for manslaughter. NTA, Damn, well said! Screw the wedding, you should never speak to these people again. Congrats on your wedding and good luck! They're not idiots; they're psychopaths. NTA your family aren't trying to bond with your fiance. Honestly that was pretty rude of her but unless her actions were specifically malicious I don't think she is the asshole NAH. If you dont, it might literally become the hill your fianc dies on because they might hide his inhaler again. He's college educated. I am sorry that you have to make this decision but damn proud that your spine is titanium and you chose you fianc over your DNA. That how they drained mine, too, so maybe I got the wrong term there. But not to everyone. I suffer asthma and it is not something to joke about. NTA but uninviting them to the wedding is the bare minimum response. This is what its like to be part of a narcissists world. Plus wives will send your ass to the doctor. Youre asking the wrong question. When I got engaged to my boyfriend who is a city kid who makes a living in the arts, they hugged him. violence isnt just physical aggression against an individual.) You need to go NC. They were okay with killing or seriously harming your husband. To not breathing. He's been through enough hazing and taken it in stride for YOUR sake. He has had some health complications straight after and I feel like they blame me for this as well. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. I would be pressing charges for sure. It really fucking is. Pranks are harmless fun. The family is lucky they haven't called for a restraining order. The guy: Oh, did you put it in the right spot? NTA and personally I'd go no contact. She's not an asshole for being related to shitty people. Sounds sick to me all around. Thats a lot of shit I would not put up with. NTA. Send them a video of a grown man having an asthma attack. This was cruel. Idiots. You have a right to remove your father from your life for what he's done. Who is kind and helps others? Yes. All these grownass dudes doing this just cannot see they're actually showing everyone how stupid they'd rather be. It's just a prank! totally agree. Get away from your family, theyre even bigger assholes. I basically told him that if he is considering not coming then dont even bother. They are all stupid creeps. OP grew up with this. Id tell them since they suck so much at life they can sit at the house and play pranks on one another and if mommy wants to get involved, she can sit her ass at the house with them as well. You're totally right, they were finding out if they could judge him over being a "brainwashed liberal commie" is the vibe I'm getting. Its a very dangerous prank. Also making someone play chess naked is weird. NTA at all. Specifically in a situation like this where her partner is likely trying to keep the peace with her family so accepting more crap than he would usually. Redditor aitamumuninvited is a 31-year-old man whose mother did not wholly embrace her future daughter-in-law because of something she did. NTA, but if were your fianc I would not marry into your family. I am not jealous of any person forced to choose between their brothers and a parent. You have some choices to make, and your male relations are 100% on the hook for that. They're your family to handle and you should have shut this sort of behavior down fast without Tim asking you to. They are driving a wedge. And if I were you, I'd take a real close look at the abuse they've subjected you to. Why aren't you protecting your fiance from these assholes? I'm really scared that your family will accidentally kill someone with this mentality. The way he calls you failure is super not okay You do what is right for you and go ahead and uninivite him. Except this case you would be freeing both of you from bullying. If you listen to your mom and re-invite them, you don't deserve your fiance. Also, ask them in case of your fiancs asthma getting worse medically if he would have been rushed to hospital which one of them would be manly enough to cover all the bills and charges. I seriously wonder what kind of testosterone hell OP had to deal with growing up. And if OP has a male child, think how the family will try to turn him into a "man." You should have prioritised your fiance earlier. OP is the poster child for NTA. She's not bordering on it, she's well over the border. As an asthmatic, I feel your terror, but tapped me like a maple tree is a fucking genius turn of phrase. Who the hell slashes tires as a "Prank" unless you're millionaires? pranks have no lasting impact, aside from a shared laugh in the future. If everyone isn't laughing at the end of something, it's not a prank, it's bullying. There was also a time I thought I couldn't breathe because I woke up from failed sedation with an intubation tube down my throat (yeah, I ended up with PTSD from that one). All I can picture is a future child being pranked like this. I'm so sorry your family did this. Be a man!!!. Conditional NTA depending on how you behave from now on. Dean and Kevin never had a good relationship because they never wanted my mom and dad to separate in the first place, they resented my stepdad and limitied contact once they moved out. I can see it nowwife make my grandson a pb and j sandwich (cause we know he wouldn't make it himself) cause he needs to just get over this or its for attention when his airway closes..NTA. Recently, I bought a new car which I use everyday and let my mom and stepdad take it whenever they need. I wonder if they did one to see if he knew how to put on a spare tire. If OP had an actual spine she would have cut off her family after the slashed tires incident. They are cruel and bordering on criminal behavior. And you are most definitely NTA. NTA! You will be an asshole if you (how did you doormat of a mother call it?) I'd like to see uncle and the other assholes breathe through a straw for a few hours, whith their nose properly plugged. My guess is the OP and her mother have had this done to them all their life because the dad is most likely an abuser. Keep your nice shiny spine and keep standing up for your partner. This is what I thought. NTA, this is horrible. Those two alone are enough to go low or no contact. ESH except your fianc. Oh gotcha, that makes much more sense then. I wonder how long they would have hid the inhaler if he started having an emergency. That was about two years ago, fast forward to now. This is not pranking, its cruel bullying and taking away your fiancs inhaler could have had deadly consequences. He deserves better than a spineless wife but thats just my opinion. Slash my tires? NTA. Toxic masculinity is so fucking dangerous to all of us. ", What I dont understand is if you slash all of them how would you even fix it yourself? I agree!! They are nothing but bullies. Him not being able to breathe, "Oh look! Keep asking why. just an umbrella term or have multiple meanings. evetytime anyone reaches out to beg op to re-invite them, I'd send them a new article about someone who died/almost died because of a lack of an inhaler. NTA. If I were OP's fiance, I'd just dip out of this whole thing and look for someone who comes from a normal, sane family. Lets cut the brake lines to see if hes a real man who can use the emergency brake! If someone stole my inhaler and hid it as a prank I would be furious, it isnt funny to not be able to breathe properly. NTA he's mad you are learning what healthy relationships look like and creating boundaries. This is no joke. Good on you for putting your foot down. NTA, in my opinion you're getting a pretty good deal, cutting one toxic member of your family out and a few enablers are going with them. My relationship with my stepdad has been problematic from the very beginning. NTA that's not pranks, that's bullying. And really if they do anything else criminal Id consider reporting them. OP, if you don't protect your future husband from that disgusting behaviour, you don't deserve him. Here's a suggestion tell them that you'll invite them back if they tell a cop exactly what all they did, and ask the cop if it was illegal. His worth js as a humannot reliant on their approval or testing. I hope he can see sense and decides not to marry you, you let them bully him for WAY too long. Does anyone have Ventolin to keep them alive until the ambulance gets here? I never got the impression OP wasnt supportive of the fianc. Guess it would serve him right in their eyes though for being "so weak". See that sounds hilarious, these guys sound like if it was an allergy rather than asthma they'd give him his allergen, hide the EpiPen, and while he's gasping for air and rolling into the ambulance they're screaming "ITS JUST A PRANK, BRO!!" Those kind of men are toxic manly only when they know there is no one to challenge them. Wtf did I even just read. You don't invite your bullies to your wedding. Not just for your fiancs sake, but yours. All they are doing is trying to determine if your fianc holds values like them or not. NAH But honestly you have to have a talk with her and explain what youre feeling. 5th house stellium meaning; how to handle being dumped with dignity; send a wave on facebook; international scout.He wrote: " AITA for uninviting my mom from my .
